Fight or Flight Read online

  Easy for him to say.

  ***

  At least the blankets served as an extra layer between her and the brisk chill in the air, but nothing could defend her from the chills she got looking at the scantily dressed girls standing on the corner. It was freezing out and they were practically naked. A sympathy shiver coursed through her, intensified by the sound of an oily voice.

  “Jay. Well, well, well. It’s been a long time, man.” Jay stopped, bringing Em up short behind him when the grease ball she’d seen her first day out there, manhandling one of his girls, stepped into their path. “What do we have here?”

  Jay’s posture looked casual enough, but Em noticed the slight lift of his chin and the way his shoulder muscles strained against the fabric of his shirt when he folded his arms across his chest. The tension she saw there would have been enough to put her on edge, if the creep standing in front of them hadn’t already done that.

  “What do you want, Cretan?”

  Cretan? What kind of person chooses that for a name?

  A smug grin creased his face, somehow making him even more terrifying to look at. “It looks to me like you’re holding out on me.” His eyes flicked past Jay and steeled on Em, making her skin crawl. “Who is this tasty treat? Yum.”

  “No one. She’s nobody.” Jay edged in front of her. “What do you want?”

  Cretan’s beady eyes snapped back and forth between the two of them, and then he threw his head back and laughed. Not a nice sound, like the rare occasions when Jay did it. Cretan’s laugh was full of menace.

  “That nobody must be somebody pretty special, huh? What do you say, Tasty? I could take better care of you than he can. Make you a little money. I could get you work, even in your condition.”

  It took Em a moment to realize what he meant, and then her stomach revolted. If there had been anything in it, she would have puked that time for sure. He thought she was pregnant. Very pregnant, judging by the size of her blanket bump, which she’d manage to completely forget about in light of current events. And still he was propositioning her.

  “She’s not interested.” Jay intervened on her behalf. “So lay off.”

  “Why don’t we let the girl speak for herself?”

  Jay glanced at Em, his eyes begging her to just get this over with.

  “I’m not—not interested,” she sputtered anxiously.

  “A shame. Let me know when you change your mind.”

  Jay’s cold hand wrapped around Em’s and he pulled her along the sidewalk to the sound of Cretan’s laughter. He mumbled under his breath for the next two blocks, but she couldn’t hear what he was saying. He was angry, that much was obvious. Fuming, actually. She really was just making his life more difficult. As if it weren’t difficult enough, already.

  “I’m sorry.” He didn’t look like he was in the mood to hear them, but the words slipped out anyway.

  “Sorry?” Jay’s gaze shifted to her face and whatever he saw there must have warranted deeper discussion because he steered her off the main sidewalk and into a deserted alley. “What are you sorry for?”

  “All of the trouble I seem to keep causing you.”

  “No, Em. None of that was your fault. Cretan’s bad news. He’s been that way since before I got here. I’m just pissed he had the nerve to talk to you like that. You don’t need to be hearing that shit. Whatever you do, stay away from him. He’s nothing but trouble.”

  “I know.”

  Jay’s eyes narrowed on her as his jaw clenched. “What do you mean ‘you know’? Did he hurt you?”

  Jay looked ready to turn around and hunt Cretan down. “No. No, I just saw him out there with some of his girls when I first got here. He didn’t look very . . . nice.”

  “He’s not. What happened?”

  “I just turned around and went the other way.”

  One side of Jay’s mouth curved upward in a faint smile. “Smart girl. You hungry?”

  Em considered denying it, but her noisy stomach answered for her at just the mere mention of food. Jay laughed. “I’ll take that as a yes.”

  Chapter Nineteen

  Jay

  Tuesday. Jay hated Tuesdays. Garbage pickup day. All of those garbage trucks out in full force, whisking away all of that uneaten food made for slim pickings. Em was cold and tired. She tried to hide it and put on a brave face, but he wasn’t blind. But she was also hungry, so he couldn’t just give up. By their fifth stop he was tempted to. Looking into empty dumpster after empty dumpster was really starting to piss him off. He was seriously reaching last resort status when he led her behind the Chinese restaurant.

  Em’s eyes lit up when he threw open the dumpster and they were met with hundreds of white takeout containers, and it broke his heart just a little. He knew it was still a long shot. Shifting some of the contents around, it didn’t take Em long to figure it out, either, and that light disappeared. A swarm of white wriggling bugs infested everything in sight.

  “Maggots,” he explained. “They put them in the dumpster to keep people like us away.”

  The disgust on Em’s face changed to outrage that matched his own when he’d first figured it out. “They do that on purpose? Ruin all of that food when there are hungry people all around them?”

  Jay had come to accept it over the years. Life wasn’t fair—they should know that better than anyone—and when it came to people . . . Nine out of ten, if it wasn’t their problem, they just didn’t care. It wasn’t so much a disappointment to him anymore as a cold, hard fact.

  “Come on. I know where we can go.”

  Joe’s Pizzeria was a hot-spot in town, well known for their delicious pies and always crowded. That last part was what made it ideal for them.

  He didn’t want to go in there. It was pretty much the last thing he wanted to do, especially after what they’d already done that day. Despite the inspiring speech he’d given Em back at the hospital, he felt just as crappy about stealing shit as she did. He avoided it as much as possibly—determined to make things work on his own—but sometimes it was just unavoidable. It was those times when he felt like the biggest failure, and he hated that Em had to see that.

  “You stay put. I’ll be right back.” Leaving her out on the street by herself was not his first choice, but he couldn’t take her with him this time.

  As usual, the place was packed. The few small, round tables were all occupied, and people stood all over waiting for their orders to be filled. Jay slipped inside, found an empty spot to stand in the corner and waited. That’s all there was to it. Now he just had to wait.

  People bustled all around, pushing and shoving their way through the crowd. Behind the counter, three guys in white aprons flipped dough, poured sauce, and slid pizzas in and out of the large stone ovens, while a short brunette girl took orders at the register.

  “Order up! Kevin!” The guy manning the ovens dropped a greasy white paper bag on the counter and moved back to work.

  That’s how orders were served up in this madhouse. With every name called, someone would shove their way forward and snag their meal. Not this time. Jay hesitated another cautious moment before stepping forward and grabbing the bag. Thank you, Kevin.

  Back outside, he spotted Em before she saw him. Probably because she was still standing in the exact same spot where he’d left her. He didn’t think she’d moved an inch, except her eyes. Those were flicking in every direction fast enough that it was giving Jay a headache just looking at her. She didn’t like being left alone out there any more than Jay liked leaving her, but she never argued. Never complained. She just sucked it up and did what she needed to do. So damn brave and she couldn’t even see it.

  ***

  Joe’s Pizza was as good as everyone claimed. And, best of all, Kevin had been kind enough to buy a slice for each of them. The smell had driven him crazy the whole way back and by the time they’d stepped into their room he couldn’t wait another minute. Pulling out the first slice, he handed it over to Em and then dove
in after his own. They both ate in silence for a few minutes—preferring to focus on the rare treat of warm food while they could—and then licked their fingers clean. If Jay could have one food every day for the rest of his life, it would most definitely be Joe’s Pizza.

  As the sun sank, so had the temperature. Winter was definitely on its way and it was already cold enough that Jay’s fingers were numb. Beside him, he felt Em beginning to shiver as her eyes drooped.

  “Come on, it’s time for bed, Sleepyhead.”

  She tugged the blankets free from under her shirt and passed them both to him. Jay took them, savoring in the warmth they still held from her body and waited until she was curled up in her bed before laying them over her.

  “But . . . that one’s yours.” That had been the plan, but she needed it more than he did.

  “I’m fine. You keep it.”

  “But, you—”

  “Em, quit arguing with me and go to sleep.”

  She glared in response to his command, but stopped arguing. Settling into his own bed, Jay couldn’t keep his eyes off her. He knew it was probably a creepy thing to do, but she’d rolled to face the wall and if the way her breathing had evened out was any indicator, she’d never notice. She was just so damn . . . something. Something special.

  Em was soft, and gentle, and sweet, and innocent, a combination he’d never encountered out on the streets before. Like a warm glow in this cold dark world he’d been living in. She wasn’t warm now, though. She was freezing. Even with the extra blankets, he could hear her teeth chattering.

  She truly didn’t belong here, but he’d come to honestly believe she had nowhere else to go. Jay had always been protective—maybe to a fault—and everything about her just tugged on every last one of those instincts. When another shiver shook her frail body, he couldn’t stand it any longer.

  Jay shifted quietly across the room and slid onto the floor beside her, his body screaming with the need to hold her. Keep her safe and warm. Wrapping his arm snuggly around her waist, he pulled her into him and actually sighed with the relief it brought him to have her in his arms.

  Chapter Twenty

  Em

  Darkness and bitter cold surrounded her. Cold as her blanket’s ripped away, taking all of her warmth and comfort with it. Cold hands touching her, holding her, pinning her down, never letting her escape. Never letting her go. No escape. No—

  A scream tore from her throat, so potent that it followed her back to reality. Still lost in her nightmares, she rolled away from the arms holding her. Restraining her. Only these arms didn’t restrain her, they let her go and she rolled right into a wall. Not the deep purple of her bedroom walls. It was white, and faded, and peeling.

  Scrambling into a crouch—ready to bolt— her sleep-muddled brain struggled to catch up as she turned to face him. But it wasn’t him. It was someone else. Someone younger. Someone who looked nearly as frightened as she felt. Jay! It was Jay.

  “Em!” He scurried off her paper bed and hunkered down so that he was at eye level with her, but with enough space between them that her urge to flee subsided. “I’m so sorry, Em. Christ, I’m such an idiot. I wasn’t thinking. You looked so cold and I just . . . Such an idiot. I’m so sorry. Are you all right?”

  Jay’s face was scrunched with worry and he was breathing as hard as she was. She must have scared the crap out of him, screaming bloody murder like that. Dammit. She had so many issues she couldn’t even be near someone else without having a breakdown and chasing them away.

  As the remnants of the nightmare cleared from her hazy brain, the pieces started to fall into place. She’d been cold, so Jay had . . . what? Held her? Slept with her? In her conscious state that didn’t seem like such a bad thing. In fact, it seemed . . . sort of . . . nice. But she had to go and mess it up before she even had a chance to enjoy it. If she even could enjoy it. Would she ever be normal?

  Even worse, she’d made him feel guilty about it. The poor guy tries to keep you warm and you scream at him . . . literally. There’s a way to make a lasting impression.

  “Em? Talk to me.”

  “I’m fine. I’m okay.” Not exactly the truth. She’d probably never really be okay.

  “I’m so sorry I scared you. I just wanted to hold you. I wasn’t thinking. I know you don’t like to be touched and—”

  “No. It’s okay.”

  Jay watched her face closely for a moment. “Is it?”

  Was it? Could it be?

  Hope flashed in his eyes and the last thing she wanted to do was crush it, but she wouldn’t lie to him or herself. She gave him the only honest answer she could. “I don’t know. But I want it to be.”

  “We could try. I promise not to sneak up on ya this time.” Jay lips quirked into a slight grin that eased some of her tension.

  Slowly, he inched back toward her makeshift bed. Oh, God. Okay. She could do this. Heart kicking back into overdrive—but for an entirely different reason now—she shifted cautiously back onto the pile of papers.

  Jay was already stretched out on them. He’d removed all but his undershirt and sweats to sleep in and she got a better view of his body than she’d ever had before, hidden under all of those layers. He was thin—like anyone living out of dumpsters would be—but he still managed to look . . . sturdy.

  Muscles flexed in his bare arms as he pillowed his hands behind his head and stared up at her. Those eyes. They were so dark they looked nearly black in the dimly lit room. His hard jaw added to the whole powerful aura he gave off. Square and rough with dark day old fuzz, her fingers itched to touch it. Just like his hair, the way it flowed around his face and down to his collar. The way it flopped into his eyes. She had to fight the urge to brush it away.

  He waited patiently as she worked up the nerve to move forward. This was Jay. It wasn’t him. She could do this. She wanted to do this. Very slowly, she lowered herself down beside him and for a few minutes they just stayed like that—side by side, barely touching. Barely breathing. Then Jay sighed.

  “I’m going to move, okay? Get us a little more comfortable? If you don’t like it, just tell me to stop.”

  He waited for her answer before doing anything.

  “Okay.”

  Em’s heart pounded as Jay’s arm weaseled its way underneath her. Using it to tilt her body, he rolled her until she was facing him with her head on his shoulder. When her breath faltered, he froze.

  Jay filled her world. The up-close and personal view, his scent which smelled vaguely of mint and cold wind and something uniquely Jay, the feel of his chest rising and falling beneath her. It was all so painfully familiar and yet . . . completely different.

  This wasn’t the same at all. He wasn’t trapping her, he was holding her. He wasn’t hurting her, he was comforting her. This was something entirely new and . . . sort of wonderful. When she relaxed into his body, Jay moved again, pulling the blankets around them and tucking them in. Wrapped up and snuggled into Jay’s side like that, Em felt warm for the first time in weeks. And, above her, she could have sworn she heard Jay sigh.

  ***

  When Em woke again, the room was flooded with sunlight. Not the dim glow of the dawn hours they’d been waking to, lately. And no wonder, the sun was already beginning to show in their window. It must have been nearly eight o’clock. She’d slept in. Stranger still, Jay had slept in. And he was still asleep.

  She could see why. Wrapped up in his arms, her arm draped loosely over his stomach and her head pillowed on his hard chest, she’d never felt more comfortable in her life. Warm, cozy . . . safe. Em couldn’t believe she’d managed it. To not only sleep with someone, but to feel safe doing it. She felt almost normal, and Jay had given that to her. Now, she wanted to give something back to him.

  She didn’t have much time. It may have already been too late, but if she hurried, she just might make it to Sam’s in time to get them both something for breakfast. He could be the one to wake up to breakfast in bed for a change.

&nb
sp; Leaving Jay’s embrace was one of the hardest things she’d had to do in a while, but her determination to do this for him eased the way. He was out cold. Didn’t even stir as she squirmed out of his arms. Throwing on an extra layer and her favorite pair of jeans, Em headed down to the street.

  ***

  “Hey . . . you! What’s up?” Em was waiting for the light to change at the corner when Ace strolled up behind her. She’d told him her name endless times, but he just couldn’t seem to remember it. Actually, he couldn’t seem to remember much. Ace was like a walking talking anti-drug campaign.

  “Hey. Just going to get some breakfast. You wanna come?”

  “Nah. I’m just headed back. Late night. There was this awesome new band playing downtown at one of the clubs. They were awesome. You and Jay should totally come next time. They were . . . awesome.” Uh-huh. Too many fried brain cells on that one. “Where’s Jay anyway? You two are like, joined at the hip or some shit.”

  Oh, yeah sure, he can remember Jay’s name no problem. “He slept in, so I’m going to get him something to eat.”

  “Oh. That’s . . .” Ace’s ‘thinking face’ almost looked painful.

  “Awesome?”

  “Yeah.” Ace nodded at her, eyes huge like she’s just said the most insightful thing he’d ever heard and she couldn’t hold back her laughter any longer.

  “Hey. You have a really pretty laugh . . . umm . . .”

  “Em.”

  “Yeah, right. Em. Hey! You and Jay should totally come and check out this new band I saw downtown last night. They were awe-some!”

  Having reached her daily limit of talking in circles, Em agreed and then excused herself as the light changed and the tiny white walking man lit up the sign on the opposite side of the street announcing she was clear to cross. Three steps into the crosswalk she heard the sound of a horn, the squeal of tires, the scent of burning rubber, and then . . . nothing.

  ***

  Beeping, and bright lights, and what was that god-awful smell? It smelled like sickness and disinfectant with a slightly lemony overtone. Oh, no. Oh, crap.